Social Awkwardity

Mind. Body. Spirit.

I feel like it’s been a while.

I knew I wanted to blog this morning when the alarm sounded at 4am and I didn’t want to get up (this is rare), I had a splitting headache, sore muscles from yesterday’s workout, and a number of bags to pack up into my car.

I still made my sorry ass get up and go to the gym. Three minutes into my workout I felt much better and I was mentally thumbing through all the things I’ve filed away over the past few weeks to post about. I couldn’t really land on anything (this is also rare because I have plenty to talk about HA!). The only thing that kept getting caught up in my early morning cobwebs before my herbal tea, pre-workout drank washed them away was, IT’S BEEN BUSY.

So I thought maybe I should just talk about my busy life these last few weeks. Lame. Who gives a shit about that? I thought about past posts and realized “Cinci-not-so-nasti”, my most vulnerable post yet, was also the most popular…analytics-wise as well as responses from so many real life people around me.

Why is that?

There are many answers to that question. But I’ll stick to one possibility.

We all suck at something. A few things. Many things. All things. Sometimes it’s refreshing to see someone else sucks too – as Micheal Jackson sings “You are not alone…” softly in the background of the motion picture that is your life.

We don’t want to be alone. Yet, we don’t want to be open about the things that lock us behind the bars of loneliness.

Why? Why is vulnerability so scary? Why is transparency so terrifying? Why is sharing yourself with people around you so paralyzing? I think, once again, there are many answers. Fear is usually the foundation. But fear of what?

According to my skin-tone, surname, and temper, I am Italian. According to that and my AncestryDNA® results, add Irish and Scandinavian to it. In other words, I am emotionally driven. But on the other-hand, I work with a lot of logic as well. Maybe my ancestors from Great Britain passed that one along. I don’t know. It all adds up to what seems to be a bit of… psychosis? To use both sides to my benefit, I use my logic to figure out my own emotional outbursts! See? Psycho.

I digress. A lot of my growth really began when I started questioning my own decisions, responses, feelings, happiness, sadness, anger, OPINIONS, etc. I have to work hard to question myself without bias. That’s super fun. Do you know why you feel the way you feel? Do the things you do? Say the things you say? Act the way you act? Want the things you want? Need the things you need?

Figuring out your WHYs is a layered, very timely process.

Three year olds are on to something very profound when they really want to understand something.

3 yr old: Why mommy?
Mommy gives an answer.
3 yr old: But why?
Mommy gives that answer.
3 yr old: Why
Mommy gives another answer.
3 yr old: BUT WHY?
Mommy trades child in for a hamster. (see, this is why i don’t have children)

‘BUT WHY’ can change your life. It can change everything. There are layers of WHY behind everything from why my greatest fear in life is being made to feel stupid to why I chose to wear my all black shoes today.

Put your 3 year old mentality on today and BUT WHY the hell out of yourself! You may find a few answers!